Once Bitten, Twice Shy

How many of us, when faced with some sort of traumatic event in our life, would like to repeat it?  Let’s see a show of hands.  That’s what I thought, not many would.  Once you’ve experienced trauma or a difficult situation, you would prefer to leave it in the past and move on.  But what if this event is marriage or a long-term relationship?  Just because you had a bad relationship experience, do you write off all relationships going forward? Well, no.  Best case scenario, you get up, dust yourself off, learn from your mistakes and keep walking without looking back.  Worst case scenario? You take on a life of celibacy because the pain isn’t worth it … you can’t take that risk again.  I would say most people fall somewhere in the middle, perhaps leaning towards one side or the other.  I would say I would fall in the middle, but leaning towards the best case scenario.  Bitten once by a not so great marriage, I am hesitant to enter another long-term relationship.  I guess I’m just scared to be honest with you.  Casually dating men suits me just fine because I don’t have to commit to them.  Is that wrong? Perhaps, but I am always upfront about my intentions.  I’m just not ready, I know that.  It just kind of sucks … wait … think positive dating karma.  It doesn’t suck, it’s just a challenge I’m going through, that’s all.  But I’m not the only one like this.  There are countless others in the same boat, men and women, who feel the same way.  I met such a man, well I think that he was Once Bitten, Twice Shy.

Mr. Q. I met Mr. Q several months ago online.  I knew once I saw his picture that he was familiar.  But I didn’t say anything.  So we chatted for several months before we met.  Very casually over the phone, through text, etc.  We both would initiate the conversations.  There were several failed attempts at actually meeting up.  Finally, we met.  We went for a coffee and ended up walking for almost two hours.  It was great.  We had a pretty good connection.  He was divorced around the same time as me, so we talked about our experiences.  Honestly, I thoroughly enjoyed myself for the first time in a while.  I would say it was a pretty good first date.  Oh, and yes, his family and my family have known each other for a long time, so I thought it was pretty cool.  Me and him hadn’t met before, but I knew his parents/family and he knew people from my family – no we weren’t cousins!  Was that a good thing or bad thing? I thought it was good, but we decided not to share our dating with our families until there was something to share.  So a couple of days passed and I sent him a message to say hi (which was normal practice for us) and to say I enjoyed our walk.  He responded that he had fun too.  We talked for a bit and all was good.

A couple of days after he messaged me to ask me to go out again that Saturday.  I said yes, of course.  We decided to go for ice cream and a drink somewhere.  So he came and picked me up and we sat at my house a bit and chatted, he told me about a new fire pit he built and I mentioned a store that had big ass marshmallows he should buy.  He got all excited (did I mention he’s a “gets distracted by shiny new things” Gemini?).  So we ended up going to the store and buying the marshmallows.  We decided just to order in dinner at his place.  We spent the next couple hours trying to get the fire going … it was fun actually, lots of laughing and joking.  I have to say it was a success.  He asked to kiss me and I let him, but told him that’s the furthest it would go (even though it got a little intense).  He agreed that it was a good idea.  So we kissed a bit and then had some tea and talked some more about ourselves.  Normal getting to know you stuff.  He drove me home and walked me to the door and gave me a long kiss goodnight.  That night felt a little like high school dating a bit, you know, when we were kinda sorta innocent (LOL).  Ok I wasn’t THAT innocent.  Next day I sent him a message saying “thank you” and not to roast the marshmallows without me.  He responded with a “hope you have a good day cutie”… um ok, no reference to the marshmallows, hmm normally he would have made a joke back … so I wished him a good day and no more messages.  So I didn’t think too much of it, maybe he was busy or distracted.  A couple of days later I sent him a message asking how he was doing.  He didn’t respond until the day after saying he was “crazy busy”.  I responded with “ya me too, work has been busy”.  I never heard anything back.  Ever.  A few days ago, I decided to just try messaging him one more time to say hi and see what happens.  So what do you think happened? Nothing.  No messages, nothing.

What I want to know is what changed? What happened? Did he get scared? Was he not ready?  We both wanted to take it slow, we were on the same page, or so I thought.  We called each other “kindred spirits”.  I had absolutely no indication that there was anything wrong and I have pretty good insticts.  I guess I’ll never know.  I just wish he had the balls to tell me.  The way I see it though, if a guy doesn’t have the balls to face someone then I don’t want him anyway.  Remember, I’m an Alpha male kind of girl.  I’m just a little sad about it because I really saw potential for the first time since my divorce.  Oh well, I guess it’s “NEXT”!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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